It’s not like everyday you get to cry on your brother’s bed with such sad feelings all over you. It’s not like everyday you get to redden your eyeballs just because you are laying on your brother’s bed and sobbing for half an hour when you think about that wonderful and fun times you had with your brother. It’s not like everyday when an elder brother feels so lonely on the thoughts of not seeing his brother again for the next 3 months (“puff, pikir apa….3 bulan ganya”, Bruneian would say”)
That’s right. I’m a pussy, I said it. But never mind. This is me talking sincerely in a form of a very impractical way to pour out emotions; via the internet. I don’t care if people would think lightly on what I’ve said because I care for my brother. I think that’s a very good reason why I feel this brotherly sadness in me right now. I don’t want to be sad. But I feel sad….Splendidly confusing, isn’t it? Ignore it.
I just got up from watching Scrubs season 2. I smiled and laughed at the show’s genius portrayal of a young doctor. I love that show. Everyone on this earth does. Who doesn’t. So after watching one of the episode for 15 minutes, I paused it and went for my laptop and thus proceed with this writing I am currently on doing. Well? Look at me! I’m actually writing these words without any plans or sophisticated information which I should have searched on the internet before I write which I usually have done prior to writing in most of my blogs. But this time, it’s exceptional. It’s not like there’s anyone out there who have the time to really spend their ‘tick-tock life clock’ on reading my crappy blogs. I am not that good of a writer you know. Anyway, I guess I am blabbling about this TV drama shit so called Scrubs for more than 5 sentences already.
As I was saying, I walked up to my desk and wrote this blog. But before that, I went to my brother’s room. The room was lighted and there was no noisy sound of an air-conditioner gushing. No music at the desk, no PC games of Lord of the Rings or modern laser beams of Dawn of War, no occasional whispering soft voice to his laptop when he’s on Skype, no movies, no YouTube RayWillaimJohnson talking random gags on injured people in the real world, no squeaking sound made by his damn rotated wheel chair….. There was none. Most obviously, my brother was not at his desk. It was all empty as if I just entered a mosque at 11 PM. Then, I looked down at my brother’s bed and surprisingly, my body reacted emotionally without my order. Unconsciously, I laid on my brother’s bed and started to think about my brother. While laying, I stared up the ceiling with both my knees paralleled to my body. Then my father entered the room and asked me what was I doing. I didn’t answer him and he understandably walked out. Out of nowhere, tears started to build up and I sobbed and sobbed and sobbed. I have no idea what has happened. I think it’s something to do with physics or biology on how the body works in certain situation. Truth to be told, I have no slight idea what the heck happened.
The only thing I know at that particular moment is the fact that, I miss my brother so dearly. “Wassupppp” words I usually said every time I entered his room, now become a strange act of greetings as I’m wassupping to a nobody.